Landfill victorious in lawsuit against national musical group, The Black Eyed Peas.

Judge states: "It is no coincidence that the B.E.Ps happen to have the same steez as this 83 year old landfill."

Wife divorces husband over tiny bandwidth.

Husband reports that his "bandwidth is average size."

Truth Time: Hi, my name is Idiot.

I post ads on craigslist, then never reply to said ads. I really want to sell my things, but the qwerty keyboard is foreign and therefore scary to me, so I must refrain from any sort of reply via email. The good news is, if I ever do get over my fear of the United States standard character arrangement for typewriters and keyboards dating back to 1873, I will lividly inform you that the item is no longer available for sale. I'll then proceed to leave my ad up for the remainder of the 45 days that craigslist allows before removing it from their database, finding myself annoyed at the overabundance of emails i will continue to receive over the duration of this time period. The word "edit" is wildly alien to me, and don't even get me started on "delete."

Dad's deceased son to face lifetime sentence for invading top secret airspace.

Dad unable to "do the math."

Local ex-wife denied restraining order.

Ex-husband says to "grow up."

Local "bad boy" found beaten, and then arrested. Neighbors relieved.

Saucy neighbor says that "boys dad is no picnic either."

You've just won an Andes Award for" "Good Internet Attitude." (Award farted on.)

Official expected to issue written apology.

Local child deemed "strong contender" for next year's Andes.

Official states: "Gas mask is big game changer."

Local man dies in case of fire. Neighbors not amused.

Local man "tagged" as hamburger on internet. Neighbors outraged.

In this photo: Paul Flingback

Truth Time: Salsa is waste of evening.

I met a friend's daughter tonight. Her name is Salsa. Shittiest baby ever.

Award winning resident Doug Table divorced immediately after supper. Loses award in settlement.

Ex-Wife Priscilla Table-Hande states: "He's disgusting. He left crumbs everywhere and I couldn't take it anymore!" (Restraining order pending.)

Local baby eats McDonald's, has midlife crisis.

Dad implores child to "hang in there."

You've just won an Andes Award for: "Best Artificial Baby Bun Lover."

You've just won an Andes Award for: "Best musical vibrato conducted by 'Little Finger'." (Award taped to the wall.)

Andes Award for: "Forgetting that dick and embracing those God given titties". (Award banned in most southern states.)

Local man deemed "good egg."

Well, here he is everybody. Mr. Fucking responsible.

Truth Time: Uncle Rick is a drag.

This is my Uncle Rick. Because my Grandmother recently decided to marry a younger man with a son, I have to call this sucky kid Uncle and treat him with respect. He doesn't even have a pickup truck to let me sit in the back of when we go on beer runs. Nor does he listen to heavy metal tapes, and on my birthday he didn't even get me the Megadeth t-shirt I wanted. I just got a card with a check that was from the both of them, even though I got the same $25 bucks that I got last year before she even met him.

Oh wait.

Truth Time: Godson Matthew sucks.

This is my Godson, Matthew. From the look of it, you'd never be able to tell that this baby is a fucking idiot. This kid totally sucks, and I have to buy him presents anyways. What do you get a three year old kid who doesn't know shit about anything?

Manners is alive!

He was found floating safely within the confines of space.

Truth Time coming Soon!

You've just won an Andes Award for "Learning a lesson while wearing white shoes." (Award and dessert withheld for one week.)

You've just won an Andes Award for "Best One Man Parent Leaving Baby In Accordion Case."

I'd like to with present you with the Andes award for: "This dick isn't as scary as you'd think (1982)."

You've also won the Andes award for: "Best use of show me that good finger, (aka Flying Fickle Finger of Fate)."

Happy Goon Day!

Presenting the Andes award for: "Best excellent blog consisting of entirely facetious material." (Single award, must be shared or divided.)

We'd like to accept this award on behalf of ourselves. We couldn't have done it without us, and would like to thank ourselves for all the support.

Trout screwing around.

That damn kid gets himself caught up there 3/4 times a day. He's a real bummer.

Truth Time: Ted, I'm sorry I lost your boy.

R.I.P. Manners 2008-2011.
(Fabricated internet image of how Manners may have died.)