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Wednesday, May 19, 2021

Local man sells baby on internet because he "needed money."

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Local theatre enthusiast, Fred Fard, admits that it was a "bad idea," after being arrested on 6 accounts of ab...
Tuesday, May 18, 2021

BREAKING NEWS! Local Idiots Rehash Old Blog. Onion is Not Pleased...

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Pervert carrot, and Onion adversary on the other hand appears to be VERY excited. Local idiots seal the deal with Presidential ...
Sunday, October 16, 2016

Breaking News: President Barack Obama does not possess a United States death certificate.

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The Clinton campaign took a turn for the worse when it was reported Sunday October 16, 2016 that her party's incumben...
Monday, January 2, 2012

Wu-Tang Clan to release 'Wu-Weather' Smartphone app.

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Local Hip-Hop expert, MC Arnold Tink says: "It's for drizzle, my nizzle."
Sunday, January 1, 2012

This can't be good.

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Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Snowmen assemble rally for equal rights. Government says "snow way."

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At the hight of the Occupy Wall Street movement, local snowmen push to obtain normal constitutional rights, including the ri...
Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Local OWS martyr, Michael Tike, dies protecting a political assembly in a field normally occupied by undisposed dog waste and homeless people.

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Local authorities state that "Mr. Tike was rubbish that the city has neglected to take out for years." Due to re...
Saturday, July 9, 2011

Local toy is apathetic, children are not amused.

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Neighborhood hot shot, Pete Tuschy, finds the toy to be "boring," and "a tremendously unreliable source."
Friday, June 24, 2011

America mourns the loss of Columbo. Locals now forced to enjoy Yoplait.

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Local child saddened to learn that there will no longer be fruit on the bottom.
Friday, June 17, 2011

Local banshee faces charges of vandalism, destruction of private property, aiding and abetting acts of theft and looting, disturbing the peace, impersonating a super hero without proper permits, and copyright infringement.

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Prominent DA blames Hollywood for "glamorizing and condoning superhero behavior among impressionable adolescents." Local ex...
Thursday, June 9, 2011

Riverside real estate mogul, Buck Tupper, pulls listings and cancels showings after being attacked by angry salmon.

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Authorities suspect something "fishy" about incident as ocean view property sales skyrocket. Rival realto...
Saturday, June 4, 2011

World's oldest high school senior dies during commencement.

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In his 70-year-enrollment at Dipper P. Goose High School, Ronald Tiggles was best known as the starting quarterback, teacher...
Friday, June 3, 2011

Medium sized child found in street. Larger sized child had "first dibs."

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Bird regrets missed opportunity.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Local man ignores several Cease and Desist letters from Mars, Inc., and continues to "Taste the Rainbow."

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Mars Inc. CEO expects an "exhausting and lengthy trial."
Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Local family adopts baby boy, but mistakingly brings home pine tree instead. Family deems blunder to be a blessing, as tree is very well behaved.

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Welcoming their new addition to the family are brothers, Paul & Dennis Schrimp.

Local resident, Chauncey Downs, casted as Macauley Culkin portaying Michael Alig in upcoming film "Potty Monster."

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An upset Culkin seeks solace in elderly neighbor after his performance is dumped on.
Monday, May 30, 2011

Local Popeye helps charity and dies.

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Local resident and full-time Popeye impersonator, Eugene LaPharfe, wowed donors at the Sweet Theresa Fundraiser this week d...
Saturday, May 28, 2011

Local Heavy Metal music enthusiasts find the world's largest invisible testicles.

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Officials confirm that no larger set of invisible balls have been submitted.
Saturday, May 21, 2011

Jesus stands up the entire world. Millions of Christians are "bummed."

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Above: Local religion follower and self-proclaimed "cool uncle," Jason J. Jaye, waits for the Jesus as their cas...

Rapture was just kidding.

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Local realist, Quinton P. Nickels states: "I knew it was a joke the whole time."